Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Genetic Defeciencies

Last night I dreamed that I was watching wild animals cavorting outside my window. I remember seeing several elk, one bear and lots and lots of reindeer. I remember being worried about the bear. One of these things is not like the other. One of these things could kill happily frolicking ruminants.

Is this dream a Christmas nudge? Get ready, Christmas is coming! Deck the halls! Fa, la, la! Tick tock!

Or am I the bear, ready to kill to reindeer thereby stopping Christmas from coming?

I'm afraid it may be the latter for I am missing the Christmas gene. I am also missing the shopping gene prevalent in all other females. I am genetically deficient.

Before Thanksgiving I got stuck in line in Hobby Lobby behind 2 women who knew each other. Each had a young son stuffed in the cart among garish artificial yuletide decorations. "Are you ready for Christmas?" one asked. "I think so" replied the other.

Having to wait in line was torture enough. Having to listen to THAT almost made my eyes bleed. It wasn't even Thanksgiving yet and these women were "ready for Christmas". What the hell does that mean anyway? Did you re-mortgage your house to buy crap to give everyone you know? Do you have all this crap wrapped in expensive paper (good-bye, trees) that will be admired for 2 seconds before ending up in a landfill? Do you have your Christmas goose stuffed a month and a half in advance? Is your house lit up like a landing strip?

Don't get me wrong. At Christmas I like to see Christmas trees lit up in living rooms. I enjoy giving gifts to people I love. But does it have to be so much? And does it have to go on for so long? And don't your brats have enough useless crap already?

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