Wednesday, February 28, 2007

The Incredible Mind Suck

I have a friend who is friend by default. We are both in the same program at the same community college where we both have been jerked around for years.

She is a giant hole where everything gets sucked in and swirled around and spit out in constant mindless chatter about herself.

Everything reminds her of a story (about herself) that takes so long to tell you forgot what the subject was in the first place. Since we've been together for years, I've heard them all. In all their slow. Moving. Detail.

I had a so bad horrible shitty day yesterday that started at 7:30 a.m. with the IMS sucking away my pre-school quiet time by standing outside my car yakking away. My quiet time! Sucked away!

Later she sucked away my study time by yakking, "I don't bother to study because I won't remember it I hope she has more than 20 questions on the test because blah, blah, blah". Study time, sucked away!

I told her to shut the fuck up because I WAS TRYING TO STUDY but it was too late. She had bored holes in my brain and everything drained right back out. I didn't do so hot on the test and it pissed me off.

I have great days at school when IMS is not there, which is often, but then again, not often enough for me. She is constantly sick. Or her car is broken down again. Or some other earth shaking tragedy has struck, like her kid has the runs.

At least I am smart enough now (duh, don't ask me how long it took me to learn) not to answer her phone calls. She sucks away phone minutes. Just retrieving and deleting her voice mails is an enormous suck. Minutes! Sucked away!

The sucking that had gone on all day just intensified into this great crescendo that included me going into Wal Mart later for the first time in a year. Wal Mart! Sucks!

I got home to a husband who was deathly ill (he has a cold) and who needed me to run an errand for him right then because there was no way he could possibly do it himself in his condition. (He occasionally has to blow his nose.) Rest of the day! Sucked!

Short version: yesterday sucked due to an emotional vampire, a trip to WalMart and a husband at death's door .

Monday, February 26, 2007

the other end of the witch

(Thursday March 1 -- how do you change dates when you edit posts????)
A couple of weeks ago it was colder than a witch's tit. The high temps were in the negative range for a week. C-O-L-D.

Then it warmed up for a few days and the snow started to melt. We got cocky and started sporting lighter jackets. We thought the ground hog had it all wrong. Winter was over!

Silly us.

Forecasts are frequently wrong around here. Terrible storms are often predicted that never come to pass. Not so last weekend. We were warned. The storm came and it brought ice and then blowing snow, never a good combination.

So this is the other end of the witch. Not her tit, but maybe the crack of her ass. When the world goes dark and the roads are closed. I was lucky. The power was out for about 8 hours. As of this morning, some 80,000 households in the state are still without power from last weekend's ice/snow storm.

I didn't venture away from the farmstead until Tuesday. So I had two days in the world and now here it comes again. Ice, rain, snow, wind. The good news is that school was cancelled and I'm missing a test I am ill prepared for.

And if the power goes out I'll give crayons to the hubby so he can color his monitor. He doesn't know what to do with himself when he's not on the computer.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Pineapple Head

Pineapple Head was a counselor at my high school. He was a big guy with lots of forehead and he was Hawaiian. He was aptly named.

The jocks, cheerleaders and brainiacs had been pimped by the counselors for years. I really had no idea what the counselors were for (mental health, maybe?) since none of them had ever spoken to me about anything or acknowledged my existence.

But when I was a senior, I was summoned into Pineapple Head's office. He wanted to know what my plans were after graduating.

"I dunno. Get a job maybe?"

"What about college?"

Until he asked about my going to college, I'd never considered it. My parents couldn't afford to send me off to college.

"My parents can't afford college."

And that was the end of session number one with Pineapple Head.

After that meeting with Pineapple Head I got to thinking. I had never really considered college before because I wasn't the star of anything and didn't know what to aspire to. But I was good at lots of things. I designed and made my own clothes. I embellished my hand made clothing with embroidery. I could go to college and become a clothing designer!

I demanded session number 2 with Pineapple Head. I told him of my new found dream to become a clothing designer and sought his help to send me off to college in pursuit of this dream.

He opened a little book and starting thumbing through it. I think this little book was called "Careers for Women" and the only two entries in it were nurse and school teacher.

I don't recall how the rest of this session went but I do recall being humiliated afterward. The gist of it was that I wasn't smart enough to go off on a career path that wasn't listed in his book with 2 entries.

This is so sad, people, but I was an adult (with lots of crappy jobs under my belt) before I knew that there are things such as college loans and grants. I'm pretty sure the jocks and cheerleaders were informed of this (and that the brainiacs just knew it already). Another later life revelation was that a good liberal arts education can take you a long way. Or maybe help you find your way.

Maybe Pineapple Head didn't know it himself. Maybe he learned it later when he got his PhD. He's Doctor Pineapple Head now. But he's still a major asshole to me.

And this dumb girl who couldn't go to college is going to college now and maintaining a four point oh. O.K., it's community college, but still.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Rabbit Ears

I don't know what's going on in the world. The world of pop culture, anyway, which mostly seems to revolve around television. And most of that revolves around television I never see.

I live the lonely void of rabbit ear t.v.

Beavis and Butthead? Never saw them. I think their time has come and gone, but I wouldn't know for sure. I haven't read about them in the news lately, anyway.

My rabbit ears have served me well. I get warned when a tornado is bearing down on me. I get entertained occasionally. I could get entertained a little more if the ABC channel came in but what the hell. I get CBS, NBC, PBS, FOX and CW. And I get exercise from jumping up and adjusting the ears trying to improve reception. And my television viewing is FREE.

How much does it cost you a month for all those channels you never watch?

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Long Time No See

There is a big gap between posts. So shoot me again.

I wouldn't have posted again at all but someone linked my blog to theirs. I guess this she didn't notice that it had been over a year since my last post. It's 2007 now, H!

Maybe it was her attempt to drag me into the current century, what ever century that is.

In other news, it is colder than the proverbial witch's tit in my part of the midwest, with no relief in sight. I've yet to brave the elements. I may go out again in May. Or when I run out of beer.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Rabbit Tails

The rabbit was snuck into the house. Sort of. Furtive glances while sidling into their room together gave me the clue the kids were up to something. They were rabbit smuggling.

An internet search revealed that rabbits were litter box trainable! They were affectionate! They were great house pets!

Beyond the point of getting the rabbit into the house, they had not thought out how the rabbit would live. While other rabbits pooped in litter boxes, this one pooped everywhere. If your idea of a great house pet is one that chews everything in sight (every electric cord and anything made of wood) and poops constantly, then this was a super-duper great pet.

It ended up in a wire dog kennel with cardboard on the floor to keep it from falling through the grate. Sometimes they remembered to feed it. The occasions when they took it out of the cage to treat it like a pet became fewer and farther between. It was a pooping and chewing machine and no longer the adorable ball of fluff they fell in love with.

After several months the kids moved out and took the rabbit with them. The rabbit lived a neglected life in the wire kennel with a soggy, poop covered cardboard floor in an apartment filled with gnats. And then the kids moved far away and the rabbit (not my rabbit) came back home.


But it lived in a rabbit cage with a wire floor more suited for little rabbit feet. The poop fell through to a removable tray -- a great improvement. And the fact that the caged rabbit was now on the porch (and not in the living quarters) was another great improvement. But still the poor thing had no life.

It was not the sweet creature depicted by the pet rabbit websites. I felt sorry for it and tried to acclimate it to life of being an adorable pet. It never adapted.

Spring came and I hauled the cage outside so the rabbit could enjoy the great outdoors. He loved it. Once in a while I would turn him loose to romp. And romp he did. He kicked up his heels and hopped and bopped. When the weather was bad, I'd load the cage on my garden cart and wheel him into the shed, safe from the elements. When the weather cleared, I'd haul him out again and set the cage in the grass.

This became very tiring. And this was, afterall, NOT MY RABBIT.

Then came the great experiment. I opened one of the cage doors that made a little rabbit ramp for him to go in and out as he pleased. I observed him from the kitchen window. When he felt it was time to go home, he went home. When he wanted to play, he played.

I thought we'd found the perfect balance and that is how the rabbit lived out his days until the day the rabbit was no where to be found. I repeat - NOT MY RABBIT.