Friday, January 18, 2008


TV is a great anesthetic. My dentist knows this and has installed a TV for every exam chair in his office. I think genecologists should take a page from Dr. Larry's book and follow suit. Only their TV's would be on the ceiling, facing down.

I have a rule at the dentist: show no pain. If you show pain, they know there is a problem. If there is a problem, they will cause more pain trying to identify the problem. Once they identify the problem, there are many more expensive (and painful) visits. Therefore, it is important to show no pain while getting teeth cleaned and examined. The television helps me do that.

Usually the hygenist lets me choose what I want to watch while I zone out. But this morning I had my first ever 8 a.m. appointment. I found out the rules are different in the morning. Cindy the hygenist watches "the news" and there are no movies, sit com reruns or game shows on. Only "the news".

The news she watches is the CBS morning show. The first story I was subjected to was about the photographers who got arrested after chasing Brittany Speers. It was an in-depth story!

"This isn't news!" I tried to exclaim. Of course it sounded like "FITH IMMT MWZ!" But Cindy, having years of translating experience, knew what I meant. She agreed that indeed, it wasn't news, but didn't change the channel.

I was subjected to stories so fluffy they might as well have meowed before hacking up a hair ball. I don't think ugly bridesmaid dresses belong in a news program. I don't believe (no matter how much Harry Smith raved in a long food segment) that tuna belongs in a taco. And I do not care one little bit about Brittany Speers and the people who chase her. I don't even care that I've probably misspelled her name so please don't bother to correct me.

The next time I have a morning appointment, I'm going to take a radio and listen Morning Edition on NPR. Now there's some news.

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