Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Hippo Birdie At Last

I got two diplomas this year. In May I got an AAS degree from a community college. Today I graduated from the wound center and have a piece of paper to prove it. It says, "CONGRATULATIONS! YOUR WOUND IS HEALED!"

Last week I went to the stupid lymphedema center at the stupid hospital and got fitted for a stupid compression stocking. The therapist Angie measured my leg and came back with a package of stockings that looked like they would fit a two year old. Just for fun she had me prove my strength by putting the stocking on my leg without any aids. I was beginning to doubt my strength but eventually got it on. (Huff, puff, tug, pull) Then she made me take it off which proved to be just as difficult. Then she wanted me to put it on again. I told her I wanted the Easy Slide cheater that the doctor prescribed. Ahh.... Much better.

After all that struggle she told me that wearing rubber gloves made it easier to pull the stocking on and smooth it out. Which pissed me off in a way. Why put me through all that BS? Why not just hand out Easy Slides and rubber gloves?

At the wound center today a nurse removed the stocking and took another picture of my lovely wound. Then I heard her outside my cubicle whispering my name. For the first time I let them know that their conversations were not private. "I can hear you talking about me! Are you planning my party?"

Soon in came Nurse Kelly, Young Perky Doctor and two nurses. Nurse Kelly was carrying a piece of cheesecake. They sang happy birthday to me. I whipped a camera out of my purse and took their picture, to be posted soon.

The doctor marveled at my wound. Then I whipped out my Easy Slide and rubber gloves and I impressed them with the speed and ease at which I donned my stocking. Then we gave each other a hard time for awhile, I signed some more papers, got handed my diploma and left.

They are going to miss me.


H said...

Congratulations! I am waiting for the picture. (Not of Young Perky Doctor because I know what she looks like, and she is married to Older Asian Doctor in case you were wondering) but of your leg. Also, I used to transcribe lymphedema center progress notes and remember Angie's voice distinctly. Very breathy?

pj said...

Angie's breathiness was not noted as much as her athleticism. She sat on the floor with crossed legs while I went through the machinations of putting on / removing / putting on the stocking.

(Now it seems to me that anyone who can get down on the floor and get up without a prop is athletic.)

Geez -- if her encounters hit the transcriptionists, I can only imagine what the bill will be for her measuring my leg and bringing me a compression stocking.

It didn't really seem like rocket science. I had measured my own leg and come up with the same sized stocking. Damn. I hate paying for stuff I can do myself. Stupid hospital.

Hannita said...

Woohoo! Congratulations on your graduation from the wound center.
Where are them there pictures??